Faith like Abraham...

This adoption thing is so much harder than physical labor could ever be. On a pain scale of 1 to 10 I would rate adoption 10+. And there are not any drugs to take the edge off, no breathing exercises that will help that pain to pass, if you scream at anyone you get the "your being a pain again look", and sometimes just being around other people that are living and breathing a normal life - and spitting out babies like a Pez dispenser - is more pain than anyone should have to bear. Sometimes it's just not fair. It's hard to understand why ADOPTION should be difficult - there are thousands of orphans that need a family to love them - aren't there???

We are nearing our 11th month of being LIDed. We've been on this fabulous adventure since Nov 04 - what's that? Hmmm...let me count.... 18 months? Wow, long enough for several groups of my friends and family to conceive and give birth TWICE!

No this was not meant for me to understand. I was not meant to be normal. This is meant to be something beyond my biggest dreams and my wildest imaginations. Sometimes I "lose it" and my patience goes all out the window. I meltdown and want to be done with this. I feel all alone on a different planet far from home and in a world where I just don't fit.

When I crash and hit the bottom I find my center again. Then I remember why we started this in the first place. There within my heart still burns a passion to bring a child home that has no home and give them the love they have never known, to give them a family and a place to belong where they will always know love. That amazing love always finds me, no matter how I fight it off - it's always there. I cannot escape the greatest love of all.

This week I was remembering Abraham - he waited a lifetime for his child Isaac and then placed him upon an alter without hesitation. He had a NO DOUBT kinda faith. He did not question. He believed. He knew that God would always provide the answer. I want to be like that. So sure and strong in my faith. Never doubting for a moment the miracle that is in store for us that is far beyond anything we could ever comprehend. That's something worth waiting for.