April Showers

Conversation with 5 year old on the way to school this morning

Jared: "Mom, what are those things?"

Me: "What things?"

Jared: "Those dots"

Me: "What dots???" and scanning far ahead looking for anything peculiar in the streets, such as pedestrians ;)

Jared: "Those dots on the windshield"

Me: After a closer look at the windshield "oh those dots, that is raindrops" proceed to make up some silly song about rain that I don't remember the words too...

Jared: "Mom, does rain have a brain?"

We are very thankful for this shower. It hasn't rained much since we've been here so this shower is much needed for our garden and yard. And I'm thankful for the cute things that Jared comes up with to make me laugh :)

May Photo Challenge

* Jared loves to help; here he is helping in the garden with the tomatoes that he helped plant and maintain last summer...he loved eating them too!

My pal Monica over at 3 Dumplings is having a May photo challenge. Take a photo or share something about yourself every day of May so I am going to nominate Jared for this challenge since May is his birthday month and he will be turning 6 on May 9th.

Jared is my miracle baby. He came along at a time when we had giving up ever getting pregnant. We'd been to every doctor we could find and they all said that nothing was wrong with us. Scott and I both had biological children separately but tried for 5 years to concieve a baby and many painful months went by went without anything happening. Friends jokingly gave advice and said "just when you least expect it". Well, that came right after we moved from Texas to Missouri. We concieved the week we arrived. I knew the exact moment almost because just as with son #1 I became violently ill. I stayed violently ill for 4 months. At times I just wanted to move my blankie and pillow to the bathroom so I wouldn't have to drag myself out of bed for the dozenth time that hour. I was exhausted and dehydrated, couldn't even keep ice down for longer than 5 minutes.

In month #5 I was out feeding the horses (on a cold icy winters day) and they got a bit frisky and one of them turned around and kicked at the other and caught me instead - right in the ribcage on my right side, sending me sprawling on my butt on the ice. I was scared to death. I ran inside and lay down, praying to God that my baby was ok. I was ok, just a bit sore on the seat but my ribs were bruised a bit. Baby J was a very active boy and just pummelled me with everything he had - I could feel his little fists and his knees and feet in every corner of my uterus...and his favorite excercise spot was just inside my right side ribcage (where the horse caught me)

After 8.5 months I was in tears and begging the doc to induce, induce, induce! He was a healthy little guy and fully developed enough that they did induce two weeks early and he was born 9 May 2001 at 4:35 on a Wednesday morning weighing in at 8 lbs 2oz. When they placed him into my arms he looked up at me with the biggest blue eyes and I just melted! I'd never wanted to hold a baby until him; I'd always been afraid. He fit into my arms like he was born to be there and became my "Jare-bear" from that moment. He is my cuddle bug and no matter what he is doing will always come give me the biggest bear hugs!

He loves sports; he was born during baseball season and attended his first game at 2 days old. It's been his passion ever since he was old enough to hold a bat and long before he could walk he was dragging a bat, ball and glove around the house asking anyone he could find to "play ball?" He has an awesome pitching arm - I am amazed at how straight he can through it. Mommy tries to throw some to him on occassion but my throws are all over the place.

I will try to post more "Jare-bear-isms" this month along with the photos. I may post some "flashbacks" of him as a baby bear too so check in often. Please don't forget to post commentation. Thank You! :)

Ever the optimist

I just did something that may be the dumbest thing I've done all year but I'm hoping not...I just planted a garden. In it is Big Boy tomatoes, Marigolds and peppers. 16 pepper plants of 4 different varieties. This will be my "project of hope" for the summer. The mornings here are still cool (40s) but yesterday it got into the high 70s and today it is nearing 80 in the shade...still cool 40s this morning though. I also bought some Johnny Jump Ups (my happy plant) and some verbena to plant in pots on the deck. So for $20.98 I have the beginnings of something wonderful :) "Life" in a garden!

Daddy got a new bbq grill and a weed eater last night so I think we are about ready for some warmer temps to head our way.

Anyone care to join me for some lemonaid?

What?

After a rather long day cooped up inside I go to Walmart for some me time....

"Do you have any vegetable plants?" I ask the young garden center man tonight after he shows me the SEEDS "No, we won't get any LIVE plants in for another 2 weeks" so I pick up some pansies (they are supposed to be cold tolerant) "What are you doing with all those plants?" the lady checking me out at walmart asks..."well, I thought I'd maybe PLANT them" I reply. "Where are you from? She asks and then "Have you ever spent a winter here?" Oh great...this place is getting better every minute. It's so stinkin cold here! Urrrgh! I NEED to be warm, I NEED to plant things - my soul gets fed in a garden and I feel like I am shriveling up inside. Where is the life to this place? The gloom of death has been hanging above us since we arrived here and the gloominess of winter is just not helping.

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

*I love this song, it has been running through my head for the past few days. I hum it to myself mostly when I'm out working in the garden. My lifeless garden that is just waiting to burst into life. I love the slow beat of this song; its so soothing and uplifting. Today is dreary and cold (58 degrees and windy) so I am stuck inside wishing I were outside. I hope your day is sunny wherever you may be! :)

Music Video Code provided by Music Video Zone

*Note, this was my first time watching the video and I've never seen an episode of Grey's Anatomy but now I have to go out and get the entire series if the clip is any indication of how the show is, I'll be hooked.

Snow Patrol/Chasing Cars

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes,
they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
and just forget the world?

Book Review

I finished reading "Sullivan's Woman" around 10 pm last night. It was a very fast read considering I picked it up just that morning and did not spend the day reading - just caught a moment here and there. Nora is great for creating a world where you are captivated and swept away and this is what I thought of this scenerio:

A young beautiful girl with gold and brown hair (very similar to my own) is down on her luck and taking a walk on Fisherman's Wharf when suddenly out of the blue a very handsome stranger appears out of the fog demanding that she be his...next model that is. He's an artist and wants to paint her intriguing face.

Turns out that, much to her surprise, he is a super famous and very rich world reknown artist that is also a bit of a playboy. They don't talk much, he makes her talk to him while she poses in a dress - which has it's own story behind it - all the while becoming "The Dream"

*It was a good read and a perfect mind fantasy but not much realism there. This guy was too perfect and did everything he should have - how could one not fall in love with that?

I guess I'm just a bit of a skeptic. My husband returned yesterday afternoon after being gone for two days in a grumbly mood. I took the kids out to play in the backyard while he took a quick nap and we ordered pizza for dinner. Where's the romance in that? Now we are back to another week of the same same old as usual. I love my husband very much don't get me wrong, but sometimes it would be nice to have him sweep me off my feet...

The morning after...

Good Morning World! Last night was my first night home alone in our new house and this is how it went...

Surfed Blogland until around 9 pm - that's when glass #2 of wine started kicking in my head and made me doubt once again my ability to ever become an alcoholic - not that I'd want to be but just in case. Made me remember once again that drinking alone is not much fun.

Around 1030 pm sirens started wailing (outside of my head) the wind had been kickin it for a while and there was some rain - headed down to the basement and flipped on the weather channel to see what was happening...nothing...so I went back to bed. I've realized that being alone in a thunderstorm isn't as much fun either.

So I've come to the conclusion that being single may not be the life for me after all. For some, it's a great life and I am not sayng it's all that bad - but I am blessed with great kids and a great husband so when they get on my nerves and rub me the wrong way I will try to remember these moments of silence surrounding me now and how much I'd really enjoy a good morning hug...and someone to cook pancakes for on Saturday morning.

*Afternoon update

My morning turned out well after all. I spent a few hours trying to perform surgery on the rec room - something like a "While You were out" episode but all I really acomplished was moving the sofas around and getting some of the clutter moved into different locations. It's starting to look like a room that can become a tv, rec, office, play room eventually.

at 9 am i was picked up for my "date" of garage sailing. We sailed our way around town without a map so it took us a while to figure out where the houses were located. It's still not quite spring here and the weather today was overcast and cool but there were dozens of people out and they beat us to the good stuff. Lot's of moving sales and great deals for under $1 so we made out pretty well overall anyway. I now have enough reading material to get me through if winter decides to hang around a little while longer. Books were only a quarter so I stocked up :) It's been a while (a long while) since I've been garage sailing - it was a LOT of fun! As an observer I tried to get good techniques for merchandising items for quick sale when I have my clutter buster sale...whenever the driveway is completed. One sale literally started at 11 oclock - by 1055 there was a LINE at the garage door waiting for it to open! I'd never seen such a thing - a little old lady was the first in line and as the garage door was going up she was bending over to try to squeeze in first!!! It was a mad grab for the goodies like I'd never seen before! Reminded me of a feeding fest at the pyrahna tank.

We stopped at Harry's Bottle Shop on the way through town (I'd never been there before) and found Kahlua on sale :) and an American made Moscato :) So now I have a well stocked supply of alcohol for the bar that I do not have to support the alcoholic that I am not...but if anyone cares to come by for a visit cocktails are available upon request :)

After lunch at Subway...my favorite are the cookies! we headed on for the last of the sales, found some more cute stuff we couldn't live without and more books for my growing collection. I spent way more at the liquor store than at the sales so I'm wondering about my objectives of the day - do I need rehab? Hmmmm...maybe Let's just hope that my life as a single person ends soon so that I can resume my mommy duties and go back to milk bottles instead of liquor bottles.

So here are the books I bought; just incase anyone is interested in doing a book review with me:

Special Delivery - Danielle Steele

Family Blessings - Lavyrle Spencer

Sullivan's Woman - Nora Roberts

Camden Summer - Lavyrle Spencer

Message in a Bottle - Nicholas Sparks (*this was the 3rd time I'd seen this book today so I figured it had to be a sign or a really good read so for .25 I figured I'd try to find out)

Which should I start with? Anyone?

...Or should I finish my "While you were out project?" In that case I need to head out for some more cleaning supplies and maybe some crafty storage units.

Single

Well hubby finally did it, he just took the kids and left me. I knew things were getting pretty stretched thin between us but never thought it would come down to this...

Ok, now really do you think that my sweet loving and PATIENT hubby would do something like that? Me maybe, but not him. He's really off to see his Mom for the weekend. I opted to stay behind because

#1 his mom's not really an animal person and we have a brand new puppy (just two weeks home today)

#2 my wounds are still sore from the last visit...I know I should feel "closer" to them since we are now only 3 hours apart but when I'm there I still feel like I'm from another planet and they wish I'd go back there and stay.

#3 my mother in law still smokes...even though just last month we said goodbye to Dad who died too soon from terminal lung cancer. I have a sore spot there that runs deep. My stepfather died of lung cancer when I was only 9. I get severely sick from the smell of smoke and father in law got fighting mad over that so our relationship never was close...and I stayed as far away as possible until now when hubby desperately needed to be by his dad. We never imagined we'd only have 2 months to say goodbye.

Ok, this was meant to be a happier post; where did I get sidetracked? Oh reality, that's right. I do have a happy thing to post about though...

I have a date!!!!

In just minutes after hubby left the phone was ringing off the hook....ok just kidding! My husbands co-workers wife called to invite me garage sailing tommorrow YIPPEE!!! I have a soft spot for spotting bargains...and maybe I'll get lucky and find some sort of storage ideas for all of my crapola lying in heaps around my house.

The 5,000 pieces of the office jigsaw puzzle is nearing completion. Hubby put the finishing touches on it this afternoon before he left and we lifted the hutch into place - now it just needs to be anchored in place, which envolves moving the entire unit away from the wall again so I need to do some clutter control sometime this weekend between chocolate, shopping and blogging till the wee hours of the morning! :)

So...it's just me and the pup...it sure is quiet around here and they've only been gone for about an hour or so. I miss them already!

"Let those without sin cast the first stone"

I know this post will probably get me "flamed" but this week has been very disturbing and thought provoking and I just wanted to share my thoughts about the V.Tech incident since my opinion probably will not be heard anywhere else.

It is heartbreaking that this happened and the fact that the young man that did it felt it "had to happen" and that no one ever listened. Only God knew how much pain he was in when he snapped. He'd been living a life of a very tortured child and it was not a sudden descision but a lifetime of hatred built upon a lifetime of pain.

So my question is this...How many young people live in a world where life passes them by and never even slows down long enough to notice they exist? Loneliness and insecurity are hard things to live with when there is no one that will listen. Even when they try to reach out someone is there to judge and criticize until finally they stop reaching out. Are they not worthy of life? Who are we to judge? God will be our judge and it's not our place to put others down for a sin when we are just as guilty ourselves for our failure to reach out.

Favorite Site of the Week

Destination Anywhere is by far the most entertaining read I have found out in blogland thus far. I've spent most of my morning getting absolutely nothing accomplished because I've been caught up in reading this blog. So I encourage anyone who wants to laugh out loud to give the babysitting story a read. It was a hoot!

I knew I should have been born Italian....:)

You Belong in Rome

You're a big city soul with a small town heart Which is why you're attracted to the romance of Rome Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand And gorgeous Italian people - could life get any better?

What City Do You Belong In?

That's me :) Who are you?

Here's a good synopsis of me. This is a cool site - check it out! Can't wait to see yours :)

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

A better day

Well I could go into an in depth explanation of why I've been so moody and depressed over the past few days but it would sound something like "Wa Wa Wa" so I will spare you the pain of reading about my hormonal imbalance and just say that PMS sucks! *Ok seems I DID go into dept about it ;) Sorry for the long post!

We are getting back into a groove again. Getting outside has helped immensely and there is actually some green starting to show in the lawn so I'm hopefull that spring is on it's way. Spring has always been my favorite time of the year. My Mom always planted daffodils so wherever we lived every spring we would have a mulititude of daffodils pop up when all the world was brown and still sleeping. Their bright sunny faces always symbolized the beginning of a special time for me. A time when I could kick off my shoes and run barefoot for the rest of the summer. Winter was finally over!!! I've always hated being cold - never had air conditioning growing up (in sultry Louisiana) so the heat and humidity never really bothered me. Now in Louisiana the "winter" is pretty much a dip in temps below freezing for a day or two and an occasional snowfall of a couple inches. I'd never experienced a post card winter until I met my Minnesotan husband and he took me home for Christmas...it was beautiful yes, but still cold in my opinion so I stated to him from the start "I will NEVER move to Minnesota"

Well one must never say never because we found out in November 2006 that Scott's Dad had terminal cancer. Scott had already been away from home for 20 years so his relationship with his dad was not as close as he would have liked and he needed to be there....so our 3 year tour in Germany ended at 2.5 when we were approved for a humanitarian assignment to Grand Forks. So here we are, arriving to the Frozen Tundra on Jan 11, 2007 - the day the temps plummeted. We drove from Albany, MN to Grand Forks and watched the temps as they went from the 30's to lower...and lower....and lower. When we got out for gas at the station in Grand Forks we were at -5! Our first breath felt like knives going down and the wind almost cuts you in half. It was COLD! I looked over at my husband and smiled and said "I Love You!"

Fast forward a bit since the temps just got lower and lower and we got lots and lots of snow over the next 3 months....so getting out of our tiny 2 bedroom apt on base was suicide since we only had one car I was not about to WALK anywhere in that mess. Boredom, cabin fever, dislocation, a feeling of being in limbo (not being able to find a house), sadness over the fast decline of Dad, lack of friends etc. It all started working on us. Our stress levels hit their peaks. Finally we find a house to buy since rentals here are just pathetically overpriced and run down, but it too had "issues" of it's own. Costly issues it turns out and hindsight tells us that we should have made a much lower offer but we do like the house and can hopefully suck it up and do a lot of the repairs ourselves...except now that we are all moved in Scott's Dad is no longer with us. Scott has ALWAYS called on his dad for advice on what to do in regards to any of the houses we lived in - from fixing the plumbing to repairing a wall, Dad could do anything. Now that we have a house full of "issues" Scott really has moments when he would like to pick up the phone and call Dad for advice...only Dad is not here anymore. So this has all compounded the feelings we've had building up inside of us most of the winter. Time will heal but sometimes we just get a bit depressed and lonely feeling.

We have so much to be thankful for and yes counting our blessings is easy enough. We are grateful for the grace to get through those days when we are muddled a bit by lifes curves. Thank You for reading, I hope I haven't bored you. Just needed to get that off my chest.

Trials and Tears

We seem to be having a very emotionally charged week in our household. Hormones and emotions are running the gamlet and family relations are taking a beating. Why is this happening? What can we do to get it fixed??? Oh to just find that happy place again....

So lonely...

I must have the most boring blog in the world - any tips for making it better?

Our new office

Here it is...the new office. I would not normally chose black furniture, it's not my style at all, but I really like this set. We saw it in the store last night and it is very nice (for pressed wood) it has an antique finish to it so the black is not that bad. Kinda classy and yet country at the same time.

Good Morning Beautiful Day!

It's always so beautiful after a rain isn't it? Yesterday it poured. Not raindrops but trials and tribulations of every form. Let me just say that Friday the 13th and PMS is not a good mix but through the Grace of God and help of a good drug called MIDOL I was able to get through it.

Here's how it started out:
- Trying to order furniture online proved fruitless...got all the way to checkout and then the site server was down. It took me hours to find the right pieces and measure them out so I was soooo not happy about this. Having clutter all over the place is making me a little edgy and off balance...I know I need to get a grip on it but there is not a place to put it.
- Chloe had pooped on the floor 3 times by 10 am
- Jaiden got disturbed from her morning nap...which throws her off schedule and then she's grumpy the rest of the day...due to my loud Noooooo at finding the puppy in the midst of poop #3. I know, I know you are not suppose to yell at a puppy.

But the 7's saved me - It was the 7th month anniversary of adopting our little girl Jaiden and the 7th day of having our puppy Chloe....oh and we gave a $7 tip to our waiter.

My dear sweet husband whom is a very patient soul, took me out to dinner last night. We ate at Red Lobster and I had a "crabby" feast thanks to the suggestion of my eldest son. King Crab Legs, Crab Linguini, and a nice steak...topped off with chocolate cake. Yummy! (We had a $50 gift certificate from our realtor and used all but $5 of it) Everything was extrordinarily delicious - I haven't had crab since Destin in 03'. Sooooo good! I could almost imagine being on a beach, listening to the waves crash onshore and watching a magnificent sunset.

After dinner we went to Office Max - I think I found a desk set I can live with; even though it is pressed wood (GASP!) Being in Germany gave me a new outlook on furntiture and the pressed wood stuff just doesn't do it for me anymore...but since my unfinished furniture caper I've decided to settle on something closer to home. This set is antique black and from a distance almost is a close runner up for real wood. We haven't decided yet if we are going to purchase it or not...the jury is still out on that one.

Then we went to Best Buy in search of a new dishwasher since it seems the one that we got with the house is about to crap out on us. we got distracted by the big screens and then things got really stressful. We've been talking about getting a big screen for years but were waiting till our last move...I guess we aren't there yet so we need to keep waiting. found a great set for a great price and they were even going to throw in a $400 gift card with the purchase of the floor model but with me not working right now and lots of new furniture to pay for yet, hubby (the ever practical one) felt this was not the time for it. Now that we've slept on it, I am glad he wouldn't let us get it - the floor model has been on from open to close since they installed it in the store, how much longer could it possibly last? I'd rather spend the extra money and get a brand new one that hasn't been used and abused.

So that's how it goes. today we are installing a garage attic ladder (should be fun), replacing the piece o crap mailbox that never stays shut (I was starting to think we had vandals when we first moved in because the mailbox was always open) This house (built in 2004) has a LOT of issues - the previous owners cut a LOT of corners and did a lot themselves - or rather left a lot undone...like the driveway which is only 1/4 of the way poured. Windows which were previously used and will not open, have broken seals and therefore leak....plus many many other "issues" we must deal with over the next year. Only a year (that is a blessing) because my dear husband announced last night he would like to retire next fall :) YAY!!! We can leave this frozen land!

I am dreaming of walking barefoot and planting roses in February and petunias in March....:)

Help me Please!!!

Please help me get organized!

I need some help with organizing my home. I love watching those HGTV Mission Organization shows and they always come out great but I can't seem to get a clue as to what to do with my own home.

We have only been here a few weeks and some things are still in boxes but mostly not. I've gotten most of the stuff out of boxes and now it is just clutter scattered all around my house. I must figure out a new place for it to live in this new home that will be functional and work for us so that we will not forget where it is and go out and buy a replacement (again) we are REALLY bad about this.

We got our new dining table and new bed for Jared's room today. Now they need to be "gussied up" and put the finishing touches on them to look nice. Jared's room has a tropical underwater scene painted on it so the neutral shades of our bedding don't go so I'll have to go shopping for a new bedding ensemble. Our dining table cloth doesn't quite fit so it needs an upgrade as well. I guess if I were crafty I could pick up some fabric and make a cover much cheaper...but I lack inspiration so ideas on this would be appreciated.

In fact any ideas or inspirational advice on what to do with these areas would be GREATLY appreciated! Help me please!

The stars of my life!

New Name, New Beginning

Hi! I think I've finally got the new title for my blog and this time I think it will stick. It will help me to remember to focus on the many GOOD things in my life instead of the not so good things I've been focused on lately.

It's been a very LONG winter and spring is not any closer it seems and this has gotten me really down in the dumps and kept me there for a long long time. I am tired of this feeling of blah all the time and I want a new start at a life full of joy. I once had a sign that said "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" Well I am going to try starting each new day with hope in my heart and a smile on my face (instead of waking the two headed monster within) I will try to update my journal to see how this goes. One day at a time...live each moment to it's fullest.

So the first blessing I'm counting today is that instead of being bummed by the dreary, cold weather we are having I am thankful that we didn't get the snow that was forcasted.

Instead of being down that I have no friends that are close I will be thankful that each new moment is shared with my daughter and I will use it wisely to laugh with her, grow with her and share with her the wonders of each new day

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