It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Today is the one year anniversary of our Log in Date (LID). Who would have thought that we would still be waiting for a referral? It is very depressing. That and the fact that I turn 35 tommorrow and having the dozen children that I've always dreamed of is becoming pretty much a pipe dream. I am feeling pretty BLAH and HEAVY today. My diet is going into reverse and I am gaining weight instead of losing it even though I've been eating no sweets (ie NO CHOCOLATE) drinking LOTS of water (I'm about to float!) AND believe it or not I've been excersizing (yeah it's about as hard to do it as it is to spell it) I feel like gravity is just sucking my energy back into the earth. It has been beautifully sunny and warm (I bask in it every chance I get) but that doesn't seem to improve my mood...or help me tan any. Darn pink red-head skin I was so blessed to wear.